Dementia Does What It Does

dementia

If you love someone with dementia, dementia still progresses.

If you learn as much as you can about dementia, dementia still progresses.

If you could provide perfect care to someone living with dementia (which is impossible), dementia would still progress.

You can do everything right. But you still don’t beat dementia.

Your loved one’s dementia getting worse isn’t because:

You lost your patience.

You’re not doing enough puzzles or activities.

You’re not “good enough” at caregiving.

We do not have control of how dementia progresses, but there’s a lot of info out there that causes us to second guess ourselves…

You see stuff about stopping dementia progression with certain diets or overpriced puzzles. Things pop up on Facebook that tell you how to be a better caregiver.

I have suggestions for people living with dementia and their caregivers. If people implement every single one of them, dementia still progresses.

Why? Because dementia progresses.

Even the newest drugs on the market for those in the earlier stages of Alzheimer’s do not cure Alzheimer’s. They may slow progression, but there is still progression.

I know I sound negative here and that’s not my intent.

My intent is to tell you to take a breath. My intent is to tell you that shouldn’t blame yourself when dementia progresses. You could not have done anything to stop the progression.

Let me tell you something that medical experts agree on: dementia has its own path. It moves according to its own rhythm – not because of anything you did or didn’t do.

On your very best caregiving day and on your hardest day when everything feels like it’s falling apart, dementia does what dementia does.

Your best is good enough. But it’s not going to cure dementia.

13 thoughts on “Dementia Does What It Does”

  1. Pingback: Dementia Does What It Does | The Caregiver Space
  2. Pingback: A sobering reminder for those on the dementia caregiver journey | The Memories Project

  3. I can identify with everything single line of this email. It is a matter of feeling in control and when you FINALLY realize that you have NO control, is when you just TRY to do your Best on a daily basis. Good community support is a BIG PLUS. To be able to share with folks that are going through similar things.

    Thank you for your words of making us feel that we ARE doing our BEST.

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  4. I was diagnosed with vascular dementia March 2015, I think I’m still holding my own with the disease, my short term memory is pants one day I struggle to remember the name of an everyday object or person & get very frustrated trying to remember it then the next day I can recall the name no problem . I am really struggling to remember day to day things now but I have been under a lot of stress recently which isn’t helping.

    I have several alarms set with Alexa at different times of day to remind me when to take my medications, I also use Alexa along with a calendar app on my iPad to set reminders to help me remember important appointments and events.

    I feel really sorry for my husband I have started getting extremely angry and blowing up at the least thing, I am hoping that its caused by all the stress & worry over the last few months and not the disease.

    Hilary x

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  5. This has also been my experience with my wife’s dementia since diagnosis in 2021. We have tried all kinds of natural remedies, changed out eating habits, eliminated stress as much as possible, and the dementia progresses. The challenge for us caregivers is to keep our heads up and make the most of our lives and the lives of our loved ones in spite of the present circumstances. Thanks for your thoughts.

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  8. Thank you for these words today. I needed to be reminded that I’m powerless over the progression of this disease… that I can’t fix it or pace it’s progression. I just need to keep doing what I can (without requiring myself to be a superhero who gets caretaking “right” every day).
    I know it’s equally important that I focus on caretaking myself as much as I caretake my loved one… I’m slowing practicing acceptance of that reality. Again, thank you.

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  9. Thank you, thank you. I really needed to read this today. It’s one thing to understand in your mind what’s happening to your loved one. It’s another thing entirely to accept it in your heart.

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