I was asked how to get a guy to keep his shirt on.

You see, this man (that I will refer to as Gene) had dementia and lived in a facility. And his wife was upset he wouldn’t keep his shirt on. He’d take it off, throw in on the floor, and when someone would try to help him put it back on, he’d fight it. It was the only time he wasn’t the gentle human being he had always been.

A friend of the wife contacted me to ask what they should do.

I asked why it was important that he keep his shirt on. And it was obvious that the woman thought this was a ridiculous question.

I thought perhaps Gene was trying to go outside in brisk weather without his shirt, but that didn’t seem to be the case.

I thought maybe Gene was trying to eat in the dining area without a shirt, which would be a health code violation. I was told that he ate in his room. In fact, he spent almost all of his time in his room.

So why was it so important that he keep his shirt on?

I was told that Gene had visitors. And this is why it was so important he keep his shirt on.

The grandkids would visit, and his wife didn’t want them to see him without a shirt. It could be awkward for the grandkids, his wife said.

His former co-workers would visit, and Gene being shirtless would make them uncomfortable.

I pointed out that maybe his former co-workers would accept that Gene was just more comfortable without a shirt right now.

I was told that Gene was a retired business person who was well-established in the community. He had been a significant mentor to some of the co-workers who visited, so it wasn’t a possibility he could choose not to wear a shirt around them.

I asked why Gene preferred not to wear a shirt. It seemed as if no one had considered why he kept taking his shirt off.

Dementia impacts a person’s temperature control. Perhaps he took it off because he was warm. Dementia affects the tactile sense. Maybe the fabric was uncomfortable or itchy against his skin.

It seems that Gene’s family thought he was taking off his shirt to “give them a hard time.”

The conversation was about how the grandkids and his co-workers and his friends might be uncomfortable if he didn’t wear a shirt while they were visiting. And his wife seemed to feel uncomfortable at the thought of how Gene being shirtless might make others feel awkward.

What about Gene’s comfort?

Gene was obviously uncomfortable wearing a shirt.

But no one really seemed to consider his comfort.

To me, this is similar to trying to get someone with cancer to stop coughing because the coughing might make others uncomfortable. We all know that’s ridiculous.

But is it equally ridiculous to get Gene to keep his shirt on when he’s in his own room?

I tried to gently explain my thinking. Is this a battle that’s worth fighting? If Gene fights when someone tries to put his shirt on, there’s obviously a reason he doesn’t want it on, even if he can’t express that reason.

At the end of this conversation, I was told that the decision would have to be made that Gene not have visitors until he was willing to keep his shirt on.

Because you wouldn’t want the visitors to be uncomfortable.