Sometimes things work. And then they don’t work anymore.

Because people change.

It’s true outside of the world of dementia as well. Running used to work for me to relieve stress. But three back surgeries (and a spinal cord stimulator) later, running doesn’t work. It’s painful. I had to explore new strategies to keep my level of stress under control.

I tried outdoor cycling. It was great. I even entered a race. Then I crashed. Big time. I broke my humerus and tore my rotator cuff. I was in a sling for 12 weeks. Now I have anxiety about riding a bike outside. Let’s be honest–I even have anxiety when I see someone else riding a bike outside. Outdoor cycling worked—until it didn’t.

There are a lot of things that worked for me in my 20s and 30s that don’t work for me in my 40s. I’ve changed. My life has changed. My needs have changed. I am guessing you can think of what worked for you in the past but no longer works for you. Perhaps it’s yoga, organized religion, a certain medication, a food that no longer agrees with you. You adjust.

People with dementia change—sometimes slowly and sometimes more quickly. Their needs change.

Once you have a strategy that works, you feel good. But then your strategy doesn’t work anymore.

I recently talked to a caregiver who was excited because he’d come up with a strategy to help his wife find the bathroom. It was simple….he put up some signs with arrows. It worked.

For a few months.

And then it didn’t. Perhaps her brain was no longer able to interpret the visual information. Maybe she couldn’t read anymore.

But it didn’t work.

He needed a new strategy. He bought some Depends.

Stuff works until it doesn’t.

Putting mom’s clothes on the bed so that she can dress herself independently works. Until it doesn’t. Then you adjust. You find a new strategy. Perhaps you stay in the room and prompt her with the steps of putting on clothes. That works. And then it doesn’t. Eventually you have to physically help her put on her clothes.

Just when you think you have a problem solved, something changes, and you must search for a new solution. Dementia is like that. Life is like that.

Maybe Alexa is a great solution for your dad. Alexa can remind him to do basic tasks, like emptying the dishwasher and showering. But then he starts wondering why someone snuck into his house. He looks around and can’t find her. He calls the police. Alexa was a great solution until she wasn’t.

Life is about change. Life is about adjustment. Life is about rolling with the punches.

You try something. Maybe it works. You are excited. You are proud. And then it stops working. You didn’t do anything wrong. Your solution was great. But it’s effectiveness expired. Back to the drawing board. You scramble. You come up with something else. And maybe it works.

Such is life.

Such is dementia.